An Unforgettable Cruise

“难忘”之旅

乘豪华游轮航海旅行，在一望无际的海面上以星空为被，枕着波浪做美梦——一个字：妙！哎，等等，还有更“妙”的呢，听这位先生怎么说……

I am a hearty seafaring type of individual, so recently I spent a week faring around the sea aboard the largest cruise ship in the world that has not yet hit an iceberg.2 It is called the Voyager, and it we ighs 140,000 tons, which is approximately the amount I ate in desserts alone.

The Voyager sails out of Miami every week carrying 3,200 passengers determined to relax or die trying3. The ship has (I am not making any of this up) a large the ater, a shopping center, a rock-climbing wall and a nine-hole miniature golf course4. We have come a long way indeed from the days when the Pilgrims crossed the Atlantic aboard the Mayflower, which — hard as it is to imagine today—had no shopping center and only four golf holes.5

While aboard the ship, we passengers engaged in a wide range of traditional cruise-ship activities, including eating breakfast, snacking, eating lunch, drinking while lying on deck absorbing solar radiation until we glowed like exit signs6, snacking some more, eating dinner, eating more snacks and passing out face-down in the midnight buffet. Needless to say I did not attempt to climb the rock wall, which is good because the resulting disaster would have made for a chilling newspaper headline: CRUISE SHIP EVACUATED AS MAN FALLS, EXPLODES!7

When every passenger had attained roughly the same body weight, the ship would stop at a Caribbean island, and the passengers would waddle8 ashore to experience the traditional local culture, by which I mean shop for European jewelry and watches. I frankly don't know why it makes economic sense for a tourist from Montana to fly to Miami, get on a ship and sail to Jamaica for the purpose of purchasing a watch made in Switzerland9, but apparently it does, because shopping is very important to cruise passengers. If these people ever get to Mars10, they WILL expect to find jewelry stores.

The other thing you do when your ship is in port is take guided tours to Local Points of Interest. In Jamaica, we toured a plantation. During the tour, a man demonstrated how he could climb a tree using only a small rope made from twisted banana fibers11. When he came down, he showed me the rope, and I, out of politeness,pretended to be interested in it, although in fact it was, basically, a rope. The man handed it to me and suggested I might want to ''take it home to the kids.''I frankly doubted that any modern technology-raised American child would be thrilled by such a gift (''Look, Timmy! A rope!''). But I pretended to be grateful. Then the man told me that such ropes USUALLY sell for $15 (he did not say where), but he would let it go for $10. And so, unable to figure out how to escape, I gave him $10. I imagine the other plantation workers laughed far into the night when he told them.

But don't get me wrong: I truly enjoyed the cruise. It was fun and relaxing, and it gave me a rare chance, among all the hustle and bustle12 of my busy life, to pick up a substantial amount of body mass. Cruising is also romantic, so let me just say this to you couples out there: If you're looking for a way to rekindle the flame in your relationship,13 I'll sell you my rope.

1. cruise: (海上)航游，旅行。

2. 我是热心航海的那种人，最近搭乘尚未撞上冰山的世界上最大的游轮进行了一周的航海旅行。历史上曾发生当时最大的游轮 "泰坦尼克号" (Titanic) 因撞上冰山而沉没的海难, 所以作者这里戏谑地说他坐的游轮是 "the largest cruise ship in the world that has not yet hit an iceberg"; fare: 旅行。

3. 决心放松一下, 或是拼死想要放松一下。完整的句子应是：determined to relax or die trying to relax。

4. 一堵攀岩墙和一个9洞的小型高尔夫球场。miniature: 微型的，小型的。

5. 从清教徒乘坐"五月花号"船横渡大西洋到现在,我们确实已取得了很大的成就— 现代人难以想像，当时（“五月花号”船上）没有购物中心，只有一个4洞的高尔夫球场。 come a long way: 取得巨大进展; Pilgrims: 从欧洲为逃避宗教迫害而抵达美国的早期清教徒移民。

6. 躺在甲板上边喝饮料边吸收着太阳辐射直到全身通红发光就像（建筑物中的）“出口”标记。

7. 不消说我没有尝试去攀岩，这样做是对的，要不然造成的严重后果也许会成为一则令人心寒的头条新闻：男子坠地爆炸，游轮乘客被疏散！因为在游轮上惟一的活动就是吃, 所以作者戏称如果从高处摔下，肚子将会爆炸。

8. waddle: （似鸭般地）摇摆而行。

9. 一个来自蒙大拿州的游客飞到迈阿密，搭船航行到牙买加，只是为了买一块瑞士产的手表，老实说，我不明白这有什么经济意义。

10. Mars: 火星。

11. 弯曲的香蕉树枝条。fiber: （植物的）须根，细枝。

12. hustle and bustle: 喧闹忙乱。

13. 如果你们正寻找一种方式重燃爱火。rekindle: 重新点燃。