幸好这只是Saki笔下一出荒诞的政治讽刺剧，不过，细想来，世界政坛上撩风拨雨的政客中是否真有 "Hermann the Irascible"? 如果是的话，那就不止是妇女的悲哀，而且是人类的悲哀了。

It was in the second decade of the Twentieth Century, after the Great Plague had devastated England, that Hermann the Irascible, nicknamed also the Wise, sat on the British throne.2 The Mortal Sickness had swept away the entire Royal Family, unto the third and fourth generations, and thus it came to pass that Hermann the Fourteenth of Saxe-Drachsen-Wachtelstein, who had stood thirtieth in the order of succession3, found himself one day ruler of the British dominions within and beyond the seas. He was one of the unexpected things that happen in politics, and he happened with great thoroughness. In many ways he was the most progressive monarch who had sat on an important throne; before people knew where they were, they were somewhere else.4 Even his Ministers, progressive though they were by tradition, found it difficult to keep pace with his legislative5 suggestions.

"As a matter of fact," admitted the Prime Minister, "we are hampered by these votes-for-women creatures;6 they disturb our meetings throughout the country, and they try to turn Downing Street7 into a sort of political picnic-ground."

"They must be dealt with," said Hermann.

"Dealt with," said the Prime Minister; "exactly, just so; but how?"

"I will draft you a Bill,"8 said the King, sitting down at his typewriting machine, "enacting that women shall vote at all future elections. Shall vote, you observe; or, to put it plainer, must.9 Voting will remain optional, as before, for male electors; but every woman between the ages of twenty-one and seventy will be obliged to vote, not only at elections for Parliament, county councils, district boards, parish-councils, and municipalities, but for coroners, school inspectors, churchwardens, curators of museums, sanitary authorities, police-court interpreters, swimming-bath instructors, contractors, choir-masters, market superintendents, art-school teachers, cathedral vergers, and other local functionaries whose names I will add as they occur to me.10 All these offices will become elective, and failure to vote at any election falling within her area of residence will involve the female elector in a penalty of 10 pounds. Absence, unsupported by an adequate medical certificate, will not be accepted as an excuse. Pass this Bill through the two Houses of Parliament and bring it to me for signature the day after tomorrow.11"

From the very outset the Compulsory Female Franchise produced little or no elation even in circles which had been loudest in demanding the vote.12 The bulk of the women of the country had been indifferent or hostile to the franchise agitation, and the most fanatical Suffragettes began to wonder what they had found so attractive in the prospect of putting ballot-papers into a box.13 In the country districts the task of carrying out the provisions of the new Act was irksome enough; in the towns and cities it became an incubus.14 There seemed no end to the elections. Laundresses and seamstresses15 had to hurry away from their work to vote, often for a candidate whose name they hadn't heard before, and whom they selected at haphazard; female clerks and waitresses got up extra early to get their voting done before starting off to their places of business. Society women found their arrangements impeded and upset by the continual necessity for attending the polling stations, and weekend parties and summer holidays became gradually a masculine luxury.16 As for Cairo and the Riviera, they were possible only for genuine invalids or people of enormous wealth, for the accumulation of 10 pound fines during a prolonged absence was a contingency that even ordinarily wealthy folk could hardly afford to risk.17

It was not wonderful that the female disfranchisement agitation became a formidable movement.18 The No-Votes-for-Women League numbered its feminine adherents by the million; its colours, citron and old Dutch-madder, were flaunted everywhere, and its battle hymn, "We Don't Want to Vote," became a popular refrain.19 As the Government showed no signs of being impressed by peaceful persuasion, more violent methods came into vogue.20 Meetings were disturbed, Ministers were mobbed, policemen were bitten, and ordinary prison fare rejected, and on the eve of the anniversary of Trafalgar women bound themselves in tiers up the entire length of the Nelson column so that its customary floral decoration had to be abandoned.21 Still the Government obstinately adhered to its conviction that women ought to have the vote.

Then, as a last resort, some woman wit hit upon an expedient which it was strange that no one had thought of before.22 The Great Weep was organized. Relays of women, ten thousand at a time, wept continuously in the public places of the Metropolis.23 They wept in railway stations, in tubes and buses, in the National Gallery, at the Army and Navy Stores, in St. James's Park, at concerts, at Prince's and in the Burlington Arcade. The hitherto unbroken success of the brilliant farcical comedy "Henry's Rabbit" was imperilled by the presence of drearily weeping women in stalls and circle and gallery, and one of the brightest divorce cases that had been tried for many years was robbed of much of its sparkle by the lachrymose behaviour of a section of the audience.24

"What are we to do?" asked the Prime Minister, whose cook had wept into all the breakfast dishes and whose nursemaid had gone out, crying quietly and miserably, to take the children for a walk in the Park.

"There is a time for everything," said the King; "there is a time to yield. Pass a measure through the two Houses depriving women of the right to vote, and bring it to me for the Royal assent the day after tomorrow."

As the Minister withdrew, Hermann the Irascible, who was also nicknamed the Wise, gave a profound chuckle.

"There are more ways of killing a cat than by choking it with cream," he quoted, "but I'm not sure," he added, "that it's not the best way."25

作者简介

saki: 萨基（1870-1916），原名H·H·Munro， 苏格兰小说家。 他的作品文笔隽永，风格幽默，对中产阶级人物时有辛辣的讽刺。 主要作品有《雷金纳德在俄罗斯》（1910）、《野兽与超级野兽》（1914）和《方形蛋与其他随笔》（1924）等。

1. irascible: 易怒的，性情暴躁的。

2.“性情暴躁的赫尔曼”，又一绰号为“智者”，是在20世纪20年代，大瘟疫横扫了英格兰以后坐上英国国王的宝座的。the Great Plague: 历史上指1665年流行于伦敦的腺鼠疫。因为整个故事是虚构的，这里作者显然杜撰了一次“历史事件”， 即一次新的“大瘟疫”。下句的the Mortal Sickness也是指此； devastate: 蹂躏，破坏。

3.在继承王位的名单上排在第30位。succession: 接替（或继承）顺序。

4. 在很多方面，他是在位过的国王中最激进的一位：人们尚未明白身在何处时，就已经被带到了另一处。monarch: 君主，国王； progressive: 先进的，进步的。

5. legislative: （关于）立法的。

6. 这些支持妇女选举权的人不断给我们制造麻烦。hamper: 妨碍，阻碍。

7. Downing Street:（伦敦的）唐宁街，是首相官邸和一些主要政府部门的所在地，首相官邸在唐宁街10号。

8. 我给你起草一个议案。bill: 议案，法案。

9. 注意，是“应当选举”，或说得更清楚些，是“必须选举”。

10. 年龄在21至70岁之间的每个妇女都必须参加选举，包括选举议会、郡政会、区委会、行政堂区委员会、市政当局，还有选举验尸官、学校督学、堂区俗人委员、博物馆馆长、卫生当局、初级法庭解释员、游泳教练、承包人、唱诗班指挥、市场监管、艺术学校教师、主教堂司事等等等等，其他地方公务人员的名称，我要是想起来，会再加上的。

11. 让两院通过这项议案，后天拿来让我签字。

12. 从一开始，强制性妇女选举权的颁布就没有令人——哪怕是最强烈要求选举的那些人——欢欣鼓舞。outset: 起始，开端；compulsory: 强制的，强迫的；franchise: 选举权；elation: 兴高采烈。

13. 这个国家的大部分妇女对有关选举权的激烈争论持漠然或反对的态度，就连一度认为将选票纸投入票箱的前景美妙无比的妇女选举权的最狂热拥护者也开始心生怀疑。 agitation: 激烈争论；fanatical: 狂热的；suffragette: 主张妇女参政权（或选举权）的女子；ballot: 选票，（无记名）投票用纸。

14. 在各乡村选区，实施新法案条款的工作已经够烦人的了，而在城镇这就成了一个沉重的负担。provision: 条款，规定；irksome: 令人厌烦的；incubus: 沉重的负担。

15. laundress: 洗衣女工； seamstress: 女裁缝。

16. 上流社会的妇女发现，因为要不断去投票站投票，她们的社交安排被搅乱了，周末聚会和夏季假日慢慢成了男人们的享受。 society: 上流社会的，社交界的；impede: 妨碍；polling station: 投票站。

17. 至于开罗和里维埃拉，恐怕只有真正的残疾人或巨富才能去，因为即使一般的富人也冒不起这个风险去面对由于长期不在本地而可能累积起来的意外开支：那一笔笔10英镑的罚款。 Cairo: 开罗（埃及首都）；Riviera:里维埃拉（南欧沿地中海一地区，在法国东南部和意大利西北部，是假日游憩胜地）；invalid: 病人，残疾者；contingency: 意外（开支）。

18. 取消妇女选举权的激烈争论变成一场可怕的运动，这事儿一点儿都不好玩。 formidable: 难对付的，可怕的。

19.“妇女不要选举”联盟拥有上百万女性追随者，到处都飘扬着她们那蜜黄加暗红的两色旗帜，她们的战歌“我们不要选举”中的几句叠句成了流行的曲调。adherent: 追随者，拥护者；citron: 香橼色；Dutch-madder: 荷兰茜草红（暗红色）；flaunt: 飘扬，招展；refrain: 叠歌（指歌曲中重复演唱的部分）。

20. come into vogue: 开始流行。

21. 在特拉法尔加纪念日的前夜，妇女们把她们自己层层叠叠绑在了纳尔逊纪念柱上，致使按惯例要在纪念柱上装花饰的活动不得不取消。tier: （一）层，（一）排；Nelson: Horatio Nelson(1758-1805), 纳尔逊，英国海军统帅，1805年在特拉法尔加角海战中大败法国-西班牙联合舰队，本人受重伤阵亡；floral: 花（饰）的。

22. 然后，一些聪明女人想到了一个应急对策作为最后一招，奇怪怎么以前没人想到。expedient: 应急手段，权宜之计。

23. 妇女们一万人一拨，轮换着在伦敦的公共场所不停地哭泣。relay: 替换的一队（组）；metropolis: 大城市，the Metropolis: 指伦敦。

24. 迄今为止长胜不衰的精彩搞笑闹剧“亨利的兔子”，其剧场效果因坐在剧场前座、包厢、顶座的妇女的哀号悲鸣而大打折扣，而一场打了多年的最精彩的离婚官司也因为部分旁听者催人泪下的表现而黯然失色。 hitherto: 到目前为止；farcical: 闹剧的；imperil: 危及；stall, circle, gallery: 这三个词都是指英国剧场的座位，stall是“正厅前排座位”，circle是“楼厅包厢”，gallery是“（票价最低的）顶层楼座”；lachrymose: 催人泪下的，哀痛的。

25. “杀猫的办法不止用奶油呛死它一种。”他引用了一句 谚语，然后补充说道：“但我肯定那是最好的办法。” There are more ways of killing a cat than by choking it with cream.: <英谚>喻指总有很多办法可以干某事。另一种说法是“there誷 more than one way to skin a cat.”。