Talking It Over

麦琪信箱

Dear Maggie,
It's Valentine's Day soon and I'm lonely again. Every year passes by and I see l overs everywhere, happy and satisfied in their hearts and minds. I'm 26 already and I still didn't find her. I meet a lot of girls, but every time I'm interested in a girl, I realize she and I will never have a future. I feel I'm only interested in the wrong ones, the ones I know will never work. I don't want to be lonely anymore. I want to settle down and have a family of my own one day. But how can I do that if I can't find the person to settle down with? And I also don't want to rush into things like my parents and regret it in the end!

With respect,
Mr. Lonesome


Dear Mr. Lonesome,

First of all, you're not 26 ALREADY, but STILL 26! Don't put it in your head tha t you're getting older and you should catch yourself before it's too late! If you do, one of the two might happen, either you cave your path into spooky Spinster- town or you'll rush into marriage and find yourself crashing straight into 'Globa l Divorcee Looney Bin'!

I know falling in love isn't easy. And many believe it to be a weakness, as I be lieve you do. Not necessarily so! Yes, falling in love to many may seem scary. You're pushed into this new world you've never been to before... Everything looks the same, but doesn't feel the same... You start viewing life differently...etc. etc. But that's all natural. Ones who've never fallen in love envy the ones who have, but at the same time fear it. Why should you be one of those who envy and not one of those who are envied? You're not giving yourself a chance! You need to allow yourself to fall in love.

You mentioned your parents' failure in their marriage. It's known universally that ones facing relationship problems, and by that I mean finding it difficult in getting into a relationship, usually have had some sort of sour experience earlier in life. It could be anything from their parents' separation to loosing a loved one. It could be a number of things. I'm not speaking with authority here, but t hat's probably when one may develop a fear of commitment. You would be at ease in a relationship where you believe is going nowhere. You go in search for dead-end roads, because you know you won't have to face your fear one day. You've built t his great brick wall around yourself, and you've blocked any chance of experiencing something real. In other words, you don't want to find her. As I have said time and again in my column, life is one great big casino. You walk in with a fat checkbook in hand... and you gamble all night! You're either kicked out on your behind after loosing all your money and selling a kidney to pay your debts, or you'r e shown to a master suite and given a free private lap-dance from the owner's per sonal assistant!

Life is all about taking chances, Mr. Lonesome. And the only way to go on is by putting that first buck on the poker table (and saying a prayer). Maybe your guar dian angel will be looking down on you! You shouldn't allow what happened to your parents affect you. They gambled. They lost. But that was another game. Set your own!

Yours,
Maggie