I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability — to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you are going to have a baby, it is like planning a fabulous vacation trip — to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans, the Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

常有人要我写点关于养育残疾儿童的经验，来帮助那些从没体会过这一独特经历的人们理解它，去想像那是一种什么样的感觉。它就像这样……

在你的孩子还未出世之前，整件事就像计划一次完美的度假旅行——去意大利。你买来一大摞的导游书，作了精彩的安排——古罗马的圆形竞技场、天才画家米开朗基罗（注：意大利画家、雕刻家、建筑师，文艺复兴时期的巨匠之一），还有威尼斯的“刚朵拉”（注：意大利威尼斯常见的水上交通工具）。你也许还学会了几句有用的意大利语。这一切的一切是那么的令人心驰神往。几个月的翘首期盼后，你终于迎来了这一天——行李准备妥当，你出发了。几个钟头后，飞机降落，空姐走了进来，说道：“欢迎您到荷兰来！”

“荷兰？！？”你说，“什么意思？荷兰？我要去的地方是意大利啊！我应该是在意大利！我这一辈子都梦想着意大利呀！”可是，飞行计划有了点变化。他们降落到了荷兰，你也就只能呆在荷兰。然而，重要的是他们并没有将你带到一处恐怖、恶心、肮脏，充斥着瘟疫、饥荒和疾病的地方。这里只不过是另一处地方。

这样，你必须出去重新购买不同的导游书；还有，你必须学习一门全新的语言。你还会遇见一些以前从未遇到过的人。这里不过是一个不同的地方。这里节奏比意大利慢，不如意大利那样富丽华贵。但是等你在这里呆上一阵子了，喘口气后，你再转悠转悠……你会注意到荷兰有风车，荷兰也有郁金香。荷兰甚至还有旷世奇才伦勃朗（注：荷兰著名画家）。

可是，你认识的人还是匆匆去了意大利，又匆匆而归……他们全在大谈在意大利度过的美妙时光。于是从此以后，你会说：“是啊，那是我本来要去的地方，那是我计划好的。”尔后，它所带来的痛楚将永远永远不会消退……因为失去的那个梦想是一个非常非常重大的损失。可是……如果你因为没去成意大利而懊悔终生的话，你也许将永远无法自在地领略到荷兰那些特别的、可爱的风情。