发布时间: 2016-05-25 13:18   来源: 北外网院
关键词: 谈话高手 避免尴尬 6个习惯 职场公益活动



Some people have the gift of gab, and can talk to anyone about anything. And some people struggle to make small talk. What separates the two isn’t knowing what to talk about; it’s polishing up your communication skills so you can keep a good conversation going.


"Good conversations require a give and take, just like keeping a ball in the air during a game of catch," says Anne Green, president and CEO of CooperKatz & Company, a communications and media-training firm with clients that include Richard Branson. "When someone directs a question your way—when the ball is thrown to you—you should always respond with an answer that will continue the flow of dialogue, passing the ball back and never letting it drop."

“好的对话需要你来我往交换意见,好比在接球游戏中保证球不落地。”CooperKatz & Company沟通与媒体培训公司的总裁兼CEO安妮·格林(Anne Green)说道,该公司的客户包括理查德·布兰森(Richard Branson)。“当某人向你抛出一个问题——对方把球扔给了你——你应该给出一个能让对话继续下去的答复,把球传回去,不让球掉下。”

If a musician is asked, "What kind of music do you play?" for example, Green says the response "many different kinds" will shut down the conversation. "The key is to answer and elaborate," she says. "A more effective response to that same question would be, ‘I play many different kinds of music, but I spent my early twenties in the South playing a lot of country music, which I’ve since brought to my music career in New York City.’ That gives the other person something to work with, creating a more stimulating conversation."


Thinking of a conversation as a game of verbal tennis will keep things flowing, but becoming a good conversationalist requires having more skills in your communication toolbox. Here are six habits that the best conversationalists have mastered to practice every time you enter a new situation.



1. 他们多听少说

The irony of being a good conversationalist is that talking isn’t the most important piece; listening is what makes you memorable. Unfortunately, listening is a skill that not many people master; most people would rather talk, said Celeste Headlee, host of Georgia Public Broadcasting’s On Second Thought.

当一名谈话高手的矛盾之处在于,说话本身并不是最重要的因素;倾听才是让人记住你的法宝。不幸的是,真正掌握这项技能的人不多,大部分人宁愿说话,Georgia Public Broadcasting广播公司《转念一想》(On Second Thought)节目主持人塞莱斯特·海德里(Celeste Headlee)说道。

"When I'm talking, I'm in control. I don't have to hear anything I'm not interested in. I'm the center of attention. I can bolster my own identity," she said in a 2015 TED Talk called "10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation."

“当我说话时,我掌握了主动权。我不需要听任何我不感兴趣的话题。我是众人关注的焦点。我能强化自己的身份。”她在2015年TED大会“聊好天的10种方式”(10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation)上说道。

The other reason we’d rather talk is because it’s easy to get distracted when we listen. The average person talks at about 225 words per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute, said Headlee. "So our minds are filling in those other 275 words," she said. "It takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation."



2. 他们不喧宾夺主

Good conversationalists don’t interject themselves into the topic when it’s not needed. If someone is talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member, said Headlee.


"If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same," she said. "It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it is not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. Conversations are not a promotional opportunity."



3. 他们承认“无知”

A good conversationalist isn’t afraid to show they don’t understand, says Mark Levy, president of the branding firm Levy Innovation and author of Accidental Genius: Using Writing to Generate Your Best Ideas, Insight and Content. "So many people shoot themselves in the foot, because they’re trying to come across as all-knowing or perfect, but letting the other person in on your lack of understanding can actually be flattering to them," he says.

谈话高手不怕显露出自己的不解,品牌营销公司Levy Innovation总裁马克·利维(Mark Levy)说道。“许多人试图装出一副无所不知或完美无缺的模样,结果却搬起石头砸了自己的脚。”

If you’re confused, Levy suggests asking, "I want to make sure I really understand what you mean. Can you say what you just said in a slightly different way?"


"Not only will the other person feel heard; they’ll likely love having to explain their point in a way that’s different than normal," he says.



4. 他们博览群书

Be a person of interest by reading and informing yourself on a variety of topics from world affairs to business and culture, says Suzanne Bates, author of All the Leader You Can Be, the Science of Achieving Extraordinary Executive Presence.

通过大量阅读,了解从国际事务到商业再到文化资讯等各类话题,如此方能成为谈话的焦点,《全面挖掘你的领导潜能》(All the Leader You Can Be, the Science of Achieving Extraordinary Executive Presence)作者苏珊娜·蓓茨(Suzanne Bates)说道。

"Be bold in getting beyond pleasantries to introduce high interest topics likely to enliven a conversation," she says. "Be attuned to each person to meet them where they are and be curious about their views."


Being well read allows you to introduce ideas and stories from other domains, adds Levy. "When a businessperson wants to make a point in conversation, they’ll often rely on an idea, opinion, or story from the world of business," he says. "After a while that gets old. We’ve all heard the same business stories, and we start to mentally check out."


Good conversationalists "seed a conversation with jolts," says Levy. "If you’re talking about, say, workplace productivity, it’s fine to talk about [the Civil War battle] Pickett’s Charge or black holes or an idea from an Elizabeth Gilbert book that, in some way, relates to workplace productivity. Bringing in ideas from other domains keeps people awake and interested, and it’s actually how paradigm shifts are born."



5. 他们寻找线索

Good conversationalists listen with their eyes, looking for body language or changes in mood that provide information about the other person’s interest level in the conversation. This can help them redirect or improve the conversation in the moment, says Parker Ellen, professor of management and organizational development at Northeastern University.

谈话高手利用双眼聆听,寻找肢体语言或情绪变化,从而了解对方对谈话的感兴趣程度。这种做法能够帮助他们在当下重新引导或改善对话,美国东北大学管理与组织发展专业教授帕克·艾伦(Parker Ellen)说道。

"It also would equip individuals with an awareness about other parties, including their goals, as well as any underlying motives the other party had for the conversation," he says. "Apparent sincerity would enable individuals to present comments and pose questions in a manner that seems genuine, such that it builds trust." This could be crucial to getting other people to open up more and build rapport.



6. 他们不拘小节

We've all been in a conversation where the speaker derails the topic by struggling to remember a date or name. Small bits of information add verbal clutter, and good conversationalists don’t burden the subject with years, names, dates, and tiny details, said Headlee. "[The listener doesn’t] care," she said. "What they care about is you. They care about what you're like, what you have in common. So forget the details. Leave them out."











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