发布时间: 2012-04-05 14:40   来源:




Relationships are changing faster than ever before? and so are the triggers for break-ups, says counsellor Andrew Marshall. Here is the authoritative guide to what's going up and what's going down in the argument charts and how to stop your relationship being derailed:
英国《每日邮报》顾问Andrew Marshall问道:“爱情的保质期比以前更短了么?人们分手的频率更快了么?”阅读下文,专家将为你解析爱情变量表中的上升和下降趋势,教你如何阻止爱情变质。


One: Low Expectations (GOING UP)
1. 降低期望值(上升趋势)

We expect relationships to fail. The "all men are bastards" mind set and "all women are bunny boilers" mentality has spread from being a joke with our mates into a self-fulfilling prophecy. We wait for our new boyfriend or girlfriend to trip up and then zoom in on their mistakes.http://www.24en.com 爱思英语网

Solve it: Today we are less willing to tolerate anything that is not 100 per cent perfect. Yet if we all hung in longer and believed in ourselves more, we would address the underlying issues and reap the rewards of a truly intimate and satisfying relationship.

Two: Work/Life Balance (GOING UP)
2. 平衡工作与生活(上升趋势)

Today we are working longer hours, doing more shift work, commuting further and therefore spending less time together than twenty years ago. When we're tired, communication is cut down to the bare essentials ('What time will you be back?').

Solve it: Invest in your relationship by setting aside 'sacred time' that belongs to just the two of you. For example: make Thursday night your date night - even if you can't go out, spend the time talking, listening to music. Many couples in therapy find they benefit most from the concentrated, quality time they spend together, rather than the counselling.

Three: The Internet (NEW ENTRY)
3. 互联网(新增条目)

The arguments are not just how much time is spent on the Internet - for work or pleasure - but about starting deep 'friendships' in cyberspace and viewing pornography. Research among 1,500 adults found that 46 per cent believed emails, texting and chat rooms had led to a big rise in infidelity; 30 per cent had used electronic communication to flirt, or to sustain an affair; 22 per cent of them had done it every day and 62 per cent had done it once a week.

Solve it: These problems need to be nipped in the bud. Long hours on the computer at home are a signal that something is wrong. Don't ignore your instincts. Ask your partner why they need to spend so much time consuming 'virtual' life. They could be unhappy with your relationship together and the time on the computer is really a cry for help.

So what kinds of Internet friendships are acceptable? Forums with a special interest - like Startrek or dog training - are fairly harmless but be wary of friendships made on general chat sites.
Whatever your viewpoint, it is important to really listen to what your partner has to say. Unless you both truly understand each other's opinions, you will not be able to find a working compromise

Four: Sex (GOING DOWN)
4. 性(下降趋势)

Fewer couples go to counselling today to complain about their love life. However, many couples are simply too tired to enjoy sex and some can't even find the energy to worry about it. When sex is a major issue, the most common complaint is that one partner has 'gone off it' - leaving the other bewildered and angry.

Solve it: Don't fall into the 'all or nothing' trap of either intercourse or a cold shoulder. Keep physically intimate - even when you're too tired - by kissing, stroking and cuddling. This is pleasurable in its own right, not just as foreplay.

Five: Space (GOING DOWN)
5. 私人空间(下降趋势

Traditionally it's been men who've wanted time to themselves, but today women burdened by work and kids are asking for 'me' time too. However it is much less divisive than before as this generation of fathers (under 40) are much more involved with their children.

Solve it: Successful couples are both team-mates and individuals, so don't feel criticised if your partner needs space. Negotiate how often you each need time alone, and for how long, so there is a balance between 'me' time and 'us' time.



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